Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
