Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
