so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And then my night got REAL pukey
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
