I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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