no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I look better un-naked...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
