come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
