i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
