i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So. Much. Porn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
