I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This baby is an asshole
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
