I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
