the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
