I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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