I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
