How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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