dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
