I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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