I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
