I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
