would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
