I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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