So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
