Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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