oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
