Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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