is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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