Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
