i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
