I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
