he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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