White coat. Heels.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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