She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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