apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
