I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
