I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
