I cannot find my penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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