what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
