so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
