Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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