Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
