6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
