Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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