that's an acceptable place to lick
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
