Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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