So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
