He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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