I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
