It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
