Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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