I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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