If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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